Double Trouble: Balancing Work and Family

By Rita Hess

Today’s booming economy, a tight labor market, high salaries, and low interest rates have many American professionals working longer hours to buy more stuff than ever before in history. The trend isn’t entirely negative, however, as workers are also saving for their children’s education and investing for retirement at record rates.

Admittedly, raising a family and providing for them at the same time isn’t easy. You have to find quality, affordable childcare that meets your work schedule. You must rely on your partner to carry the burden if you work overtime or travel. You have to adjust your work schedule to attend your children’s sporting events or teacher conferences. Finally, you have to recover from all those things on weekends so you can face another week of long commutes and brown bag lunches. How can you equitably balance a demanding career and family obligations?

Priorities and options. Begin by identifying your priorities. In any household with two working partners, frequently discuss and define each of your individual career goals. Do you want more money? Does your partner want more travel assignments? Knowing each other’s needs is critical, especially if one of you has the opportunity to relocate or is offered a job change that affects the family.

It’s also important to discuss your shared personal goals. Do you have a family or plan to start one next year? Five years from now? Do both partners need to work? If you compare work-related costs (commuting, clothing, meals, childcare, etc.) with net earnings, is it worth the headache to have two careers?

When both parents either want or need to work, what are your quality-of-life priorities? Are hour-long commutes stealing precious family time? Do your children have a safe, outdoor environment to play in? Many couples today relocate to smaller American cities in search of affordable living costs, low crime rates, and shorter commutes. They often find a surprisingly vast assortment of cultural activity there, too!

If forfeiting one partner’s income or relocating are not viable options for you, ask your employer about a flexible schedule. Flextime allows you to set your own work hours (within reason) so that you can spend more time with your family. For example, your employer may require you to work forty hours per week, but childcare issues make it easier for you to work from 10 AM – 6 PM. Many companies now offer flextime to keep valued employees on the payroll.

Additional suggestions. With or without flexible scheduling, you will occasionally feel stressed or guilty about juggling work and family. Try these tips for coping with the imbalance.

1. Take care of yourself physically. Spend at least thirty minutes several times a week exercising. No time? What about a brisk 5-minute walk on your lunch hour? How about a short bicycle ride with the family each evening? Exercise doesn’t have to be an expensive, time-consuming, formal activity. Pushing your children in a backyard swing provides fresh air, physical activity, and bonding time with your kids.
2. Take care of yourself mentally. Listen to classical music during your commute, read ten pages in a book just before bedtime, or work a crossword puzzle on your morning break. As a bonus, combine brain rest with family time. Enjoy a Saturday picnic in the back yard or tend to a flowerbed with your third-grader. Keep a quiet place in your day when you are mentally absorbed in something besides work.
3. Take care of yourself spiritually. Worship often in the faith of your choice.
4. Try to get home at a reasonable hour. Can you leave something undone and double your work efforts the following day?
5. Spend fifteen minutes alone when you first arrive home from work to shed your skin. Changing from your work clothes into something casual helps you transition from an employee to a family member. Try it! Your spouse and children will see you become a physically and emotionally different person, and will gladly give you the necessary private time alone.
6. Play with your kids every night. Playing does not mean supervising homework, watching television, or helping them clean their room. Color with your pre-school child. Read to your eight-year-old. Challenge your pre-teen to a game of cards. In a two-parent, multi-child household, rotate who spends time with whom every night. If you are a single parent, alternate evenings between the children. Let them keep a calendar so they’ll know whose turn it is for ‘Special Time.’
7. Insist that the family eat together on weekends and evenings if possible. Transform meal preparation into a family event instead of a chore. Be creative and involve the entire family. Let your six-year old prepare peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and spread a quilt in the back yard for an impromptu picnic. What your family misses nutritionally will be replaced with something much more valuable. You!
8. Make the most of evenings and weekends. Take your kids to the video store, let them pick out movies, and camp out in the living room on Saturday night. Roast hotdogs in the fireplace or enjoy popcorn and soft drinks on the family room floor. Which will you remember longer – the occasional overturned can of soda or the memories you create with your child?
9. Limit weekend activities to primarily family functions. Set boundaries on the number of sleepovers or extracurricular events the kids attend, and limit your dinner parties and golf games. Outside functions are necessary in healthy, balanced families, but do not let them become a part of every weekend.
10. Adjust your schedule to attend school functions or other activities that are important to your children. One or both parents should attend every softball game, teacher conference, dance recital, or school play. Kids feel insignificant knowing that every other classmate’s parents could attend except theirs.
11. Don’t work at home. Telecommuting (doing part of your job from home) is increasingly common and helps balance work and family responsibilities. But if you spend fifty or sixty hours at the office and still bring work home nights and weekends, it’s time to find another job.
12. Reassure yourself that your children are okay. If you have kids in daycare or at home with a babysitter, telephone them when you feel anxious or guilty. Use your lunch hour to go see them if possible. You can concentrate more fully on your job duties knowing they are safe.
13. Watch for signs of family stress. Has your spouse started sleeping on the couch? Does your adolescent child pick fights at school? Are your teenager’s grades slipping? Talk to childcare providers or teachers if you are concerned about your child’s behavior, and always keep communication lines open between you and your spouse. If symptoms of a crisis persist, seek family counseling before the situation becomes worse.

Dealing with divorce. If you are getting divorced, remain professional in the office. Do not tell your boss or co-workers about last night’s fight, your partner’s adulterous affair, or any other juicy details. Instead, privately assure your supervisor that you will arrange attorney meetings, childcare, and court appearances so they are least disruptive to your work schedule. Seek professional counseling to help you through the wide range of emotions that generally accompany divorce.

Working professionals with families can have the best of both worlds but don’t expect it to be easy. Take care of yourself, change what isn’t working, and stay alert for signs of trouble. Most importantly, remember your priorities. You can find other jobs and replace material things…but you only get one family.